A CLEAN STABLE

 Originally written in 2015

I was reading in Proverbs this morning when I  came across 14:4- Without oxen a stable stays clean,  but you need a strong oxen for a large harvest.

I LOVE Proverbs!   I find it humorous, and it cuts to the chase.  I love things that are straight forward,  but this morning I saw this verse as an analogy for the church.   The stable being (the church and leaders) and the oxen (lay people).

A lot of times I have seen leaders lose focus and make an idol out of their church, the church members can as well.  I have done it myself.  We slowly begin to believe that God resides inside the four walls of our building and begin to turn our focus inward.  Looking at each other, instead of looking at Jesus. We become proud and develop a sense of dominion, which makes us territorial.

 Then, self righteousness reigns.  We focus on those around us who we have decided aren’t measuring up to God’s image and are “messing up” our church- Those who “don’t belong”.  We become hard and unmerciful,  and begin to believe our church would be better without the “fake” Christians.  Our desire becomes exposing their hypocrisy.  We decide not to trust that God is in control and will deal with every heart, and that we are commanded to love, not judge.  We think it is our job to defend His church.   But we do judge their situations and are unsympathetic to their pain,  they “deserve” it after all.   We wish they would keep their “crap” at home until they become “serious” about God.

Eventually we hurt those we have focused on but tell ourselves it is okay,  we were just being honest.  Bold.  If “so and so” can’t handle “the truth” it is their own fault!  God will deal with them! They are just following the devil and they will “get what’s coming to then”!  Some will even call on karma….

There is no grace in our spotless churches.  No wisdom, no faith, no joy, no love, no spirit.  Our stables are clean when we run all the oxen and sheep off.  Unfortunately,  when our focus gets skewed,  we forget we are oxen too.  Leadership is hard.   Frankly, you deal with a lot of crap.   When you get tired,  you wish there was less to shovel. You can’t seem to see beyond the mounds at times!   In those times, the servants forget that the harvest is great,  we know the workers are few (Matt. -9:37)  Burn out happens, especially when we take on tasks we were never meant to do.  The ability to nurture the oxen and sheep is lost, because we are too tired from playing God.  When we keep focus and remember who is in control that helps us continue to strive to be like Jesus.  To have compassion for the confused, helpless sheep wondering around lost (Matt-9:36).  To raise up strong oxen for the work ahead, and guide the sheep entrusted to us by God.  If we can’t do that, we need to spend some time out to pasture.  I would rather be a stinky old stable preparing for the harvest than a pristine, white washed tomb any day!   (Matt-23:27)

ENOUGH

 I saw a painting going around on social media, called the four. It struck something in me. In the very beginning of my walk with Christ,  a verse was given to me. It was;

Isaiah 61:1-3; The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoner to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God,to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

At that time in my life, I was struggling with reconciling bad things that happened in my past, with a good God, who was supposed to love me. I did not feel lovable. I felt unworthy, damaged and too far gone to be accepted by a holy God. I still had a lot of hurt and pain in my heart. I was mourning the life that I had grown up with and what it should have been. I created my own hurt as a result of my constant inner turmoil. I had piles of bad choices on top of unhealed hurts and was numb to all feelings but anger. This verse was perfect for me. I was broken hearted. I was captive in my own mind, a prisoner in the darkness of my despair. I needed His favor and wanted someone to take vengeance. I felt like no one had ever fought for me.  I think it goes without saying that as a young woman with some heavy issues, I never felt beautiful, much less joyful. But then, that verse said I would be called an oak of righteousness, planted to display God's splendor! All of that sounded good to me. I wanted to be planted for His splendor. It was a promise for me to try to hold on to. The pastor had explained what Jesus could do for me, and that I need to overcome my past, to have victory and be planted for His splendor.  But I didn't know how to overcome who and what I was.  A couple of days later, I forgave so many things, and people. I realized the love my Heavenly Father has for me and I was humbled, healed and set free. The love and joy that flooded into me overwhelmed me to the point of hyperventilation. I had to breath out of a paper bag and all! I realized at the age of 24, if I began thanking God for all that he had done for me and thanked him continually until I died of old age, it would STILL never be enough. I would NEVER be able to thank Him enough.

Isaiah 61 is actually written to the Jewish people, pointing to Christ. It is prophesying the first coming of Jesus, and He fulfilled it. He was baptized and the Holy Spirit descended upon Him. He came to proclaim the good news. He died for the ungodly, healed the broken, set those bound in sin free.

He picks up the broken pieces of our hearts and binds them together with truth, forgiveness and love. I have studied these verses and believe what they say. I have experienced his love and freedom and deliverance. I wish I could say that I lived happily ever after, but I can't. Life happens.  Mistakes happen. Hurts happen. If you aren't careful, like me, you will find yourself struggling again. Wrestling  with fear, rejection, unworthiness, disappointment, regret, you name it. You fill in the blank. Life just happens.

Back to the painting of the four. The day I saw it, I was feeling like I would never be enough. The caption said the four grandmother's of Christ. Tamar, Rahab, Ruth and Bathsheba. Immediately, the verse from Isaiah popped into my head.

TAMAR: Desperate acts and broken hopes. (loss, lies and prostitution)

Tamar means hope. She was the daughter-in-law of Judah. She married his oldest son Er. Er died because he was displeasing to the Lord. Judah’s second son, Onan, then marries Tamar (per the rules of Levirate marriage.) These rules required a family member to produce an heir for the deceased. But Onan spilled his seed instead of trying to impregnate Tamar. He knew any child conceived would not be his. So God killed him too. Shelah was another son. Jude tells Tamar that she will have to wait for him to grow up. After a period of time, Shelah grows up. Judah's wife dies. When it becomes apparent that Judah was not going to give Shelah to Tamar, she disguises herself as a prostitute, sleeps with her fathee-in-law and bore twins, Perez and Zerah. Perez (was in the lineage of Jesus) (Genesis 38, Chronicle 2:4, Matthew 1:3)

RAHAB:Peace with God is available even in the face of certain judgement (outsider, bravery and lies)

Rahab means peace. Rahab was considered by many to be a prostitute. She was a cannanite in Jericho. Jericho was marked by God for judgement. But Rahab recognized the sovereignty of God. She provided shelter for the Israelite spies, lied to protect them. Helped them escape and asked that her family be spared in return. She hung a scarlet cord outside her window, which spared her household. Rahab then married into the royal tribe of Judah and bore Boaz. (Joshua 2)

RUTH: Kindness (outsider)

Ruth means Joy. Ruth was a Moabite widow. She was an outsider in a foreign land, but she became a woman of God. Ruth was faithful to her mother in law, Naomi. Ruth followed Naomi back to her home land after Naomi lost her husband and both sons in Moab. Ruth's sister in law returned to her family. Ruth tried to find work to provide for her and her mother in law, and met Boaz. They married and she Bore Obed. Ruth was kind to Naomi, Boaz was kind to Ruth, God was kind to them all. Joy was the constant. (Ruth 3 and 4)

BATHSHEBA: Unequaled power. Tainted love redeemed and restored in the true love and freedom of God. (Royal power, betrayal, loss, restoration in Solomon after David repented)

Bathsheba means love. King David impregnated Bathsheba. She was the wife of his most loyal military officer. He had her husband killed. And their baby died. I think what is missed so often in her story is this, she could not refuse the advances of a King. She was not doing anything wrong. David was to blame in this situation. And she suffered the consequences. She eventually becomes one of David's wives and bore Solomon, David's chosen heir. (2 Samuel 11:1-27)

Those are the four. The "grandmothers" of Christ. Talk about a family tree! Not one had it easy. In the stories we see loss, rejection, fear, deception, tragedy, sadness, uncertainty, poor choices, regret, unfairness and so much more. These women were not perfect. The all spent more their time covered in ashes (ashes symbolize destruction and represent mourning). They were broken. God saw fit to use them, anyway. Not only that, He names them. Isaiah 61 was a prophecy predicting the coming of Jesus, and what he would do. These women represented the broken hearted, the poor, those who needed freedom, and may need vengeance and me. Maybe they represent you, too? Even in their brokenness, they were enough. And so are we. God has never expected perfection from us, in fact, He knows it is not possible. That is the whole reason Christ came, to right the wrongs, heal the hurt, clear the way by paying our ransom, and place our crowns.  

MORE THAN A SWORD

 I originally wrote this on March 10, 2011.

I read a few verses in my bible study the other day that really struck me and weighed on my mind. I really liked them for reasons I was not sure of… yet. They are currently my favorite verses. Then a friend on facebook posted as her status today “God always fulfills His promises, just not always the way we imagine.” There again, the nudging sensation started. Her status, those verses….
Basically anyone who knows me knows that in one week it will be 9 months since my husband was miraculously healed of his seizures. It took me six months to believe that he was healed. It is still unbelievable!  I had resigned myself to hoping healing would come through doctors helping us manage the seizures.

For five years these seizures afflicted our whole family. Temporal Lobe seizures are different from convulsive seizures in many ways. One of the most devastating things about these particular seizures is that they steal the memories and personality of the person you love. I have described it as if something came in and snatched Jason out of his body and replaced him with a stranger. It took two years for us to even get a diagnosis, then the doctors started to medicate him… which brought on more personality changes….

The aura of these seizures could be intense feelings of sadness, doom, dread, fear and rage… and yes, I generally was the focus of his rage. When he was sick, a lot of times he could not walk. I would have to help him, and when our oldest son became big enough, he would help him because I exhausted. 

When his seizures were active, I didn’t sleep because they (the seizures) didn’t. Through all of this, if he was able, Jason worked and went to church. Our routine didn’t stop. Throughout this time, I prayed. Everyone prayed, my husband, the kids, friends, churches, you name it they were praying. The medicine did not help.  Every three months we would have to readjust because the seizures returned.

One year later, God had not healed him, so I grieved my husband, because I did not think that “he” would return. People then began asking “have you prayed?”  When I said yes they would reply “well, you just have to believe.  You aren’t praying hard enough”. I know they meant well, but I would become so angry at that question and those statements… and God. Which brings me to my verses, and what my friend posted…

So here is David, fleeing from Saul to stay alive. No clothes, no food, no weapons, just him on the run from the king who wanted him dead. A king that he loved, and was committed to. Talk about an intimidating enemy, and a heartbreak. I can imagine a warrior like David must have been pretty attached to his sword and armor. I know people who like guns today get attached to their weapons. He also had to leave his wife and children. So he goes to find refuge in the “city of priests” Nob. Most likely he was looking for comfort and rest if he was going to a bunch of priest. Right?

When he gets there he asks for bread.  All they have is five loaves of the bread of the presence, their holy sacrament. But then…
1 Samuel 21:8-10 – David said to Ahimelech, “Do you have a spear or sword on hand? I didn’t even bring my sword or my weapons since the king’s mission was urgent.” The priest replied, “The sword of Goliath the Philistine, whom you killed in the valley of Elah, is here, wrapped in a cloth behind the ephod. If you want to take it for yourself, then take it, for there isn’t another one here.”
“There’s none like it!” David said. “Give it to me.”
Wow! I just love that! After David defeated Goliath, he took his sword and armor ur and gave it to the Lord. In one of his most desperate times, God gave it back. Talk about knock your socks off! We know that he had slain “tens of thousands” (with God on his side) by his sword. Imagine how he felt…to be weaponless, fleeing in fear, alone, only to be given the sword of Goliath! What a reminder of who God is that must have been for David! Not only that, but what a reminder it must have been of who God said David was, and the anointing that had been placed on him.  It is so easy to lose focus and be afraid. I imagine David’s faith increased again that day. 

As for me through the five years of my husband’s sickness, the fruit produced  (dare I say it)….is patience and faith. I was looking for God to answer on my time-table. In my control. When he didn’t I gave up.  I assumed it was a no, and I did what I could to reconcile myself to His no. I thought I was being obedient. But my “obedience” bred resentment and anger, those old deadly bitter roots. Nasty little weeds that if not uprooted will choke out any fruit the spirit is trying to cultivate in our lives. I am sure David never imagined Goliath’s sword would be there. I had gotten to a point where I could not imagine God would completely heal my husband. At best I was hoping he would use the doctors to do it. But He did so much better than I thought possible.. He reminded me of who He is, the good of the impossible. Our good,good Father.

~Just a woman.

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

 Do you keep your witness at home? Do you minister to and pray for those at home like you do at church? Are you as kind and polite to your family as you are the people you meet out on the street? Do you keep a servant's heart behind closed doors?

To be honest, I can't always answer those questions with a yes. There are a lot of pastor's I have personally known that don't believe they are to minister to, or witness to their own family. You may too.  When Jesus sent the Legion of demons into the herd of pigs and healed the demon possessed man, that man wanted to follow him, begged to! But Jesus said no! I never understood why Jesus would let the disciples follow him, but not this man that he he freed. It seemed like a contradiction.

But as I read it again today, I realized something. Maybe the point was, this once demon possessed man didn't need to follow Jesus to learn who he was, because he already understood everything he needed to know about his Lord? (Like Luke 7:47 says, those who are forgiven much, love much.) And since he understood deep in his spirit who Jesus was, he needed to go tell others. And Jesus told him to start at home.

Mark 5:18-20

As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon possessed begged to go with him. But Jesus said, “No, go home to your family, and tell them everything the Lord has done for you and how merciful he has been.” So the man started off to visit the Ten Towns of that region and began to proclaim the great things Jesus had done for him; and everyone was amazed at what he told them.

MASK

It is always shocking when a Christian’s mask is removed, a hidden nature revealed. A wolf removes it’s sheepish disguise.  Or someone someone seems to suddenly turn their back on everything they proclaimed to believe and make choices completely against God.  When secrets they have worked so hard to keep crammed in a dark corner of their life (instead of confessing and repenting) come tumbling into the light. We can only imagine this is like the pharisees Jesus references (Matthew 15:8).  Or maybe somewhere along the way choices were made out of rebellion, like Saul in 1 Samuel 15. The possibilities and verses are endless… But we can’t forget that proverbs 21:2,1 and kings 8:39 (among others) remind us that only God knows the hearts of man. And any effort we make to figure it out is fruitless. 

The suddenness, or drastic change can be jarring to fellow believers who didn’t know the mask was a lie.  To those who discerned the true nature, it is still unsettling. Disbelief and confusion spread like wildfire. 

Everything in the now unmasked Christian’s life is called into question by everyone they know.  If they served in ministry, then the ministry suffers, because no one can believe anything that was done “in Jesus’s name” (by this person) anymore.  Those effected by this person’s “lost” witness then doubt what was revealed to them or confirmed in them, because the enemy whispers in their ear, that it was all a lie.  

But the truth is God can use anyone, at any time in their life. And any of us can slip a mask on over the smallest things.  Those small thing grow, like a cancer. Allowing them to grow leads to death.  Death of joy, death of relationships, death of the fruit of the spirit, death of ministries, etc. 

 But EVEN WHEN this happens, He can use us.  For HIS glory. But that doesn’t mean He will save us from the consequences of our choices, He will walk through them with us.  The question we all have to answer is this… Do we want to be a Judas or a John?  A Jezebel or a Mary?  Delilah or Ruth?  The choice is ours.  There is always a purpose and a plan.  Somebody had to betray Jesus in order for God’s plan to be fulfilled.  God can use any of the choices we make, 

A person’s story doesn’t end just because they walk away from the one who’s writing it.   

Accepted

The day we accepted Christ into our lives is the day we received God’s unconditional love and acceptance. Notice I said it is the day we received His love and acceptance, not the day He began to love and accept us. He pursues us. He wants us. His desire is for us to know Him! 
Unfortunately, we don’t realize the depth of His love, and we don’t realize what it means to us.

We were created for Him, and Him alone. His approval and acceptance is the ONLY thing we need. All too often though, we look to others for that approval and acceptance. Often, we try to earn people’s love, approval and acceptance. And of course we fall short because we are imperfect people trying to please imperfect people. So we get hurt and allow that rejection to grow into bitterness. We walk around defeated feeling unwanted.
If we could ever truly understand this, it would change everything about us! We were created for His love and acceptance! He approves us! That is it! That means NO ONE ELSE has the power to reject us as human beings. We are loved and desired by our creator.  He saw enough worth in us to form us in our mother’s womb.  To give us the gift of grace.  And if that weren’t enough, He blesses us daily! People can love you, hate you, dislike you- it doesn’t matter! You are accepted and approved of by the one true God, NO ONE can change that! The one who made you to be loved, loves you. Stop looking to everyone else to fulfill that need inside of you, He is the only one who can. And before you think this doesn’t apply to you…. People who know they are loved, have nothing to prove and nothing to lose. There is no fight in them because they know the one who fights for them. Is that you?

Galatians 1:10
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Not That Kind Of Salt

But Lot’s wife looked back as she was following behind him, and she turned into a pillar of salt. ~ Genesis 19:26

Matthew 5:13 says “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall it’s saltiness be restored? It is no longer to be good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.”

Salt domes, or evaporites basically form when a body of salt water is not being fed with enough fresh water.  As the water evaporates, salt is left behind and the remaining water becomes super saturated with salt. Carbonates (carbonic acid salt) begin to form, then gypsum (soft mineral) then halite (rock salt).  As this process happens, the crystals form together because they are attracted to each other.  After a while, you have a hard rock formation.  While I was thinking about this process, God told me that is how our hearts work, too.  When we take our focus off of Christ and place it on our selves or our past, we go from being Christ centered, to self centered. When we are self centered, we tend to study less, we don’t really pay attention to the message that we hear because we become complacent in our walk. We would rather feel good, than feel conviction, because we lack joy.  We don’t pray like we should. We are more easily offended and less willing to forgive.  We eventually stop extending grace to others.  Little things that hurt us grow into big things. We become discouraged, then angry. We completely cut ourselves off from people that hurt us (or might hurt us) and from God. Our soured, acidic hearts now have a soft outer shell, a wall-  It’s soft, but it is still a wall. The longer we look back at the source of our pain, our past, the less we drink from the fountain that never runs dry, the harder our hearts become. Eventually, without living water, we become frozen in our walk, frozen in time, and frozen in our growth. Like Lot’s wife we become hardened pillars of salt. 

On the flip side of that, table salt, a.k.a. sodium chloride (NaCl) has a good, strong bond. Just like our heart does with the Holy Spirt at the joy of our salvation.  For salt, the only way to break that bond is to dilute it with water to the point of dissolution and allow contaminates to be mixed in destroying the good bond between Sodium and chloride.  Kind of like NOT holding fast to the truth of the gospel dissolves the bond that our hearts have with the Holy Spirit.  When we allow our bond to weaken, we allow contaminates (sin) to be mixed into our lives. We allow distance and disconnect to form between us and our Heavenly Father.  And we lose our saltiness.  

We must always guard our hearts (Proberbs 4:23).  Be aware of where we are spiritually and why.  God does not condemn us, He forgives us.  Guilt and shame are tools that the enemy uses to try to separate us from the love of God.  Don’t allow the crystals to be formed on your heart or the bond to be weakened with our Father.  Know his word, and be vigilant against diluting the truth.